Hawk's Breakdown
by Therm
Summary: *UPDATE* The fall out from Hawkeye's breakdown referenced in 'Goodbye, Farewell & Amen'. So I finished the story up to day and decided to post it all. Enjoy. :
1. A Colonel's Perspective

**Title:** Hawk's Breakdown  
><strong>Summary:<strong> The fall out from Hawkeye's breakdown, referenced in Goodbye, Farewell & Amen.  
><strong>Warnings: <strong>Spoilers for GFA.  
><strong>Notes:<strong> I'd been toying with the idea of writing something regarding Hawkeye's breakdown mentioned in GFA, but then I stumbled across a drabble written by B.A. Tyler called 'Cry For Help' which seemed to sum everything up a lot better than I could. I briefly go back over what happened that was mentioned in GFA, and used B.A. Tyler's fic as inspiration.  
>So, I decided to take a different look at thing. This is more about the thoughts of everyone else regarding what happened to Hawkeye &amp; how they cope with it.<p>

**A Colonel's Perspective**

"That poor boy."

Colonel Potter finished the drink in the glass and then poured himself another. Next to the bottle he had several glasses on stand by. He'd offered his door being open tonight to anyone who wanted to talk and although no one had been by yet, he had a feeling that before long, someone would be.

"Damn war," he said, bitterly, taking another gulp of the whisky. It burnt it's way down his throat but did nothing to help the churning he felt in his guts.

He'd been in O.R. when Hawkeye had spouted about his patient being smothered. At the time, he was in the middle of a tricky procedure. He hadn't been able to spare the time to look behind him and see what exactly was going on. In fact, he'd blocked the chatter out somewhat. He's heard Winchester snap off some smart come back in Pierce's direction and then he recalled Margaret stepping in, keeping control. The O.R. had gone back to business.

He'd thought no more of it. At least not until he'd heard an almighty crash later on. He'd rushed from his office to see what was happening and saw the rear end of a Jeep inside the Officer's Club. He'd rushed up there with most of the camp to see what had happened. He'd expected injuries and was grateful that everyone seemed fine except a few people who were a little shaken up by the events.  
>They all helped the people inside away from the damaged building, heading them back towards the camp. He started to walk away himself as the crowd dispersed<p>

BJ had stopped him leaving, called him back. Igor was the only other man in the bar still, besides Hunnicutt & Pierce and he was leaving, on orders of Hunnicutt. Hawkeye was sat on a bar stool, BJ standing beside him, barely taking his eyes off the other man.

"Hawk?"

Colonel Potter stood beside BJ and looked at Pierce. "What's wrong?" Potter asked, directing the question to Hunnicutt.

BJ shook his head. "The bus..."

It was far as BJ got before Hawkeye stood up. Both of them put their arms on Hawkeye's shoulder, tried to sit him back down again. "The service here's terrible." Hawkeye said.

"Let me get you that drink, okay Hawk?"

Hawkeye sat back down again. Potter kept his arm on Hawkeye's shoulder, trying to offer some support, some comfort to him. _Too little too late_, he chided himself. He knew Pierce had been close to the edge for sometime. He'd called Sidney in for Pierce more times than anyone else because he knew that something like this could happen and as soon as it did happen, he hadn't even realised.

BJ was behind the bar now and handed Hawkeye the drink he wanted. A double bourbon. He doesn't even drink those. Not usually.

"Colonel?"

He turned to see Klinger standing at the new hole Pierce had created in the Officer's Club. "Anything I can do, Sir?"

He thought about it. He knew what Klinger was asking. Did he need to make that call to Sidney again, get him down here and try to sort through Hawkeye's problem? He looked at Pierce and the way he was just staring ahead, nothing seemed as important to him right now as being in this place, getting the drink he ordered. He turned to BJ, still stood behind the bar where he could watch his friend closely.

"Stay with him," he said and he headed out of what was left of the Officer's Club.


	2. Major Chaos

**2. Major Chaos**

"What in the world was that?"

Charles asked hearing the thunderous crash from outside. Margaret was on duty with him in post-op and had rushed to see what was happening.

"It looks like someone's driven into the Officer's club."

"Anyone hurt?"

Margaret watched through the window for several minutes. "No one looks badly hurt. Father Mulcahy's coming this way."

The priest made his way into Post-op. He'd been inside playing on the piano when the Jeep had struck and was a little shaken by the events.

"Are you alright?" Margaret asked him. She took him by the arm and guided him towards the chair where they carried out their paperwork.

"Well, I'm er... not injured although a little shaken."

"What drunken fool did that?" Charles asked, as he came and stood beside Margaret.

"Actually... it was Hawkeye."

"Pierce did that?" Charles asked, astounded.

"He can't have got that drunk!"

"I don't think he was drunk. I think... I think the events from our trip to the beach are behind his troubles."

"Oh my God, did anyone even tell the Colonel?" Margaret asked, suddenly aware how bad this situation could be.

"What happened?" Charles asked.

"Well, we had the wounded to tend to when we got back... I think everyone just...erm..."

"I should tell him." Margaret said. "Bigelow, can you handle things here?"

"Yes, Major."

Margaret left post-op and Charles turned to Father Mulcahy. "What happened on the bus?"

"It was a terrible tragedy. We had picked up some wounded soldiers and refugees on the way back. We'd had to pull over to avoid trouble. One of the refugees had a baby with her and it just wouldn't stop crying," Mulcahy took a moment to gather his thoughts. "Hawkeye asked her... well, told her to keep the baby quiet. He knew we were all in danger and..."

"And?"

"And it went quiet. She... she killed it." He bowed his head as he tried to regain his composure.

It took Charles a moment to find his voice after that. "That's truly awful." Mulcahy nodded his head in agreement.

"I should go. I have a lot to pray for tonight." Mulcahy left the room.

Charles was able to start processing what he'd heard. They weren't close, he & Pierce, but he had a certain amount of admiration for the man.  
>Firstly, he was a great surgeon. They were just very different people, but they did share a hatred of the war. Winchester did admire the way Pierce stood up for himself, reckless as it could be. He'd found the man to be irritating when he first arrived at the 4077th. That he acted the way he did for attention, to annoy him, just to have people like him. But with time, he found that he was quite wrong about the man. He didn't really like to draw attention to himself, especially when something personal was bothering him. In fact, he knew very little about Pierce. He knew he had a father and he lived in Crabapple Cove, Maine but besides from that, he very rarely gave many insights into his personal life.<br>He also realised that Pierce didn't necessarily do things to annoy Charles, he just did things to amuse himself, sometimes others. He gave of himself often. Too much, maybe.  
>Charles often felt a deep pity for him. For his length of time here. For the toll it must take watching friends come and go here while you stay. He shook his head slightly. The toll had been taken.<br>Pierce might be reckless, but not like that, not driving Jeep's through buildings. Who was to say he wouldn't turn it round and drive through the hospital next. Or decide to stop the war and drive to the front.

His thoughts were interrupted by Hunnicutt. "Charles, Potter wants to see you in his office." He looked positively glum as he took over from Charles in post-op.

Charles walked straight through to the office. Potter was sat at his desk, looking as glum as BJ did, and Klinger was also present, sat at one of the chairs. Potter gestured for Winchester to sit which he did.

"I know what gossip's like in this camp. You've heard about Pierce, right?" Potter asked, directing the question to Charles. His tone was harsh, his words direct and to the point but Charles never felt his anger was directed at either of the men present.

"Father Mulcahy filled me in on the situation."

"Good. Klinger, get a Jeep, take Winchester with you and drop off Pierce at Sidney Freedman's door."

Klinger looked confused by Potter's decision. "Sir, you're not having Sidney come here?"

"Did it sound like I was from the orders I just gave you?" Potter barked.

"No Sir."

"Well get to it then."

"Yes, Sir." Klinger said, getting up and leaving the office. Winchester was just behind Klinger when the Colonel stopped him.

"Major, I'm relying on you. Hunnicutt is sore as hell at me for not letting him go with Pierce."

"Colonel... " he paused, thought about his words. "I won't let you down."

"Take care of him,"

He nodded his head, saw the glistening in the older man's eyes and felt himself get a little choked up at the gravity of what he was being asked to do.

He left the office to find Klinger.


	3. Agreement

**3. Gathering**

After Klinger & Charles had left with Hawkeye, Potter had gathered everyone in the Mess tent and made an announcement. It was the sort of announcement that left everyone in a stunned silence. Although he gathered most had heard or witnesses Hawkeye's earlier antics, sending someone off to a psychiatric hospital was a big step.

He left them to it and went back to his office. He'd considered going to see BJ in post-op but decided he'd give him a little longer to calm down. He'd said his door was always open if anyone wanted to talk and he felt he needed to hang around the office a little longer should anyone decide to stop by.

He wasn't sure how much time passed before there was a knock at the door. He called for them to enter and Klinger opened the door.

"Job done, Sir."

He nodded his head. "Care for a drink, son?"

"Sure." Klinger came across the room and sat in the seat he'd vacated earlier that evening. Potter poured the clerk a drink and another for himself.

"I'm sorry I was so hard on you earlier, Klinger."

"It's okay, Colonel. I know it wasn't personal."

"I failed him."

"How's that, Sir?"

"I should have seen this coming. Should have done something to stop it."

"No offence Colonel, but I don't think there's anything you could have done to stop it. I don't think anyone could have," Klinger smiled sadly to himself. "I always said he'd get my section 8."

Potter smiled briefly, but the idea of Hawkeye locked up in a psychiatric hospital for the duration of the war quickly wiped the smile from his face. "How was he?"

"Quiet. He didn't cause any trouble. I'm glad you didn't send Captain Hunnicutt though. I don't think he'd have handled it all that well."

"Did you speak to Sidney?"

"Not really, Sir. I think he was surprised to see us making a drop off. He just wanted to get Hawkeye settled in, given the hour."

"I should have warned him."

"He said he'd call."

"Good."

Charles opened the door to the office. "Ah, I came to see if you knew we were back, but I see Klinger beat me to it."

"Major, come in and park it." Potter said as he started to pour another drink out for Winchester.

Charles didn't argue and took a seat besides Klinger. He took a drink before speaking. "I offered to take over in post-op for Hunnicutt but he refused."

"I guess having something to do might help. Damn well wish I had something I could focus on." Potter admitted.

"I must confess, the idea of returning to the Swamp when no one else is there is usually something I relish. Yet tonight, I'd rather go anywhere else."

"Well Sirs, if you'll excuse me, I'm sure there's some sort of report I can be filling in."

"Anything that can't wait until morning?" Potter ventured.

"Probably not, I just feel a little bit like crying into my typewriter, Sir."

"We'll get through this together, Klinger."

"I haven't seen Margaret since I returned. Do you suppose one of us should check in on her?"

"Good idea, Winchester. In fact, maybe the three of us should be keeping tabs on some of the others. I'll go speak to Hunnicutt, Klinger, why don't you see how Father Mulcahy doing. Major, you go and see how Margaret's doing. If anyone needs some support, we'll come back here for belt. We'll be better off talking things through together, not stewing about this all in private."

I agreement, they all left to go and find the others.


	4. The Morning After

**4. The Morning After**

Sidney Freedman pulled up at the 4077th and headed straight towards Colonel Potter's office. He hoped the Colonel would be able to get a few of the key personnel gathered for a chat but didn't need to worry as they were all inside the office already.

"It's like you knew I was coming," Sidney quipped.

The reactions were a mixture of pleasure at seeing him and concern. Questions were fired at him from everyone at once and he held up his hand to quieten them down.

"Sidney, what the heck are you doing here?" Potter asked

"Is Hawkeye okay?" BJ asked before Sidney had a chance to answer.

"He's fine. I've left him in a nice medicated doze for now."

"So what are you doing here then?" Potter asked again.

"Well, I came to see you people because besides from Hawkeye, you people have been affected by this too and I'd like to take a few minutes to ease any of your fears and concerns before I get back to work."

"Why, that's awfully considerate of you, Sidney." Mulcahy said.

Sidney smiled at the priest, feeling that he'd made the right decision to come to the 4077th. Most of them looked like they hadn't slept all night.

"How is he, Sidney?" Margaret asked.

"Besides the obvious he's stressed, anxious, tired, a little manic."

"Not too good then." Klinger stated.

"I don't know, I'd say Hawkeye's a lot of those things most days anyway."

"You're saying we shouldn't be worried?" BJ asked.

"No, I'm saying you shouldn't act like he's died. He'll get better. He will heal."

"Look Sidney, we appreciate that but what if you're wrong? You can't be certain." Potter asked.

"As Doctors, you know you can never say 100%, but I'm 99.9% sure he'll be back here."

"So what's going on with him, Sid?" BJ asked.

"A whole heap of denial. Remember that time when he treated those kids and then couldn't stop sneezing? If you remember, that was all from a repressed memory. He's very good at it."

"So it's the same as that?" Mulchay queried

"Not exactly. For starters he's not repressing it very well. He probably spent his journey back to camp re-writing history. He can't cope with the idea that he caused that mother to kill her baby so he's working around the fact that it ever happened. In his mind, a lot of that journey doesn't exist any more. The problem is, he keeps stumbling across things that bring it to mind and it confuses him. If it didn't exist in his head, how can trivial things keep causing him so much distress? He doesn't know the answer because he won't allow himself to remember what happened."

"So what are you going to do?"

"We'll go over and over those events until he remembers it how it actually happened."

"And if that doesn't work?" Winchester pressed.

"Well I have other ways, but I think it'll work."

"Sidney, I can understand the O.R. incident, but what about the Officer's Club? Why did he do that?" Margaret asked.

Sidney shrugged. "I can only speculate on it. Might have been something simple like mentioning a word that triggered something in him. The reaction doesn't necessarily make sense to what happened to him. He may have just felt an overwhelming need to get away from where he was. It'll be interesting to see if those events even register with him right now."

"Will he be sent home?" Margaret pressed further.

"Oh, unlikely," Sidney waved his hand dismissively at that idea. "He needs to face it. Sending back to the States wouldn't put him in a situation that he'll be able to relate to. It seems almost callous but he needs to see bus full of wounded, a Korean mother with her child... he's not likely to see that in Maine and unless he's equipped here to deal with it, he'll never be able to live his life back in Crabapple Cove. I can take him so far, but he's got to do the rest of it on his own."

Sidney had been hoping to ease the worry and fears of the people gathered, but they looked just as concerned, if not more so than when he started.

"He's a victim of war, like any wounded soldier that you treat. But he'll heal from it."

"Yeah, with a scar."

"Not all scars are bad, BJ. He'll still be the same guy that you all knew before. He's not lost to you. It might even help with in some ways."

"How the hell can this help him?"

"A different perspective."

"Yeah, well I'm glad you can see it like that Sidney, but I'm not buying it."

"BJ, I see it that way because I've seen people in worse shape than Hawkeye adjust and carry on with their lives. I'm not saying the next couple of stages will be easy, but he'll get there. He's not a quitter and I didn't think you were either."

"Me?"

"You're his friend," Addressing the group gathered he included them all in what he was about to say. "You're his family and he'll need your support. When he's a little more like his old self, I'd like you to call him, talk to him and support him."

"Won't you be his support?"

"I'll be giving a different kind of support. He's going to fight me every step of the way because he knows that I want to fix things for him, which involved the truth coming out. He doesn't want to accept that truth so he'll try to avoid it."

"Sounds like a long battle," Charles admitted.

"I'm not gonna give up on him. And he's not given up on him self either. So don't you people give up on him."

Colonel Potter stood up and held out his hand. "Sidney, I wanna thank you. That's really put things into perspective for me."

Sidney shook Sherman's hand. "That's what I'm here for."

Sensing it was the time to head back, Sidney shook hands with everyone in the room before heading out to his Jeep. They all came out to see him off and he was sure that they all seemed a little less tense than before his arrival.  
>Except BJ. The words hadn't reached him and he wasn't sure how to get through to him.<p>

"BJ, have you got a minute?" Sidney asked.

BJ looked slightly alarmed at having been called out from the group but nodded his head and walked towards Sidney, who started to walk away from the Jeep and the others.

"How can I help Sid?"

"BJ, you're probably the most important person back here for Hawkeye. When he's a little more like himself, I want him to call here and speak to you. And he needs to know you're pulling for him."

BJ looked down at the ground in front of him. "I'm not sure I can do that, Sidney."

"If I called you and asked you to visit him, would you be able to face him?"

"I'm scared," BJ admitted.

"Why?"

"Because I've always turned to Hawkeye for everything here. I rely on him to get me through this place and he's not gonna be there. And even if he comes back, how can I lay my troubles on him? I can't burden him with my trivial worries while he's got the weight of... of that on him."

Sidney noted that BJ didn't want to talk about the bus incident much himself. "So you're worried that if you spoke to him you'd put too much upon him?"

BJ nodded.

Sidney shook his head. "You wouldn't do it."

"You know?"

"BJ, you know how troubled he is. You're so worried about him you're stressing about how much harder you could make things for him before I've even had one session with him. You don't realise it, but you don't have any doubts that he's going to be back to normal in no time and be back here. You're just worried about how you're going to cope when he gets here. And that's a good thing, because when he comes back, he'll be just as anxious and will need that support from you. You'll get each other through it."

"I wish I was as sure as you are, Sidney."

Sid smiled. "You don't need to be, I'm sure enough for the both of us."

BJ returned the smile. "Thanks. Now get back there. I need Hawkeye back soon as. I'm not sure how long me and Charles can cope just the two of us."

The pair turned and headed back towards the Jeep. The others had dispersed by now, going about their business.

"Listen, when you see Hawkeye, tell him..." And the words failed him. What exactly could he say to his troubled friend that would help him right now. "Tell him, I'll come and see him in a couple of days. Right?"

"Sounds like a good plan, BJ."

Sidney prepared to moved out and the engine roared to life. BJ watched as the Jeep sailed past him, past the Officer's Club, still laying in ruins after Hawkeye's actions.

"Bring him home, Sid," BJ said as the Jeep vanished into the distance. "In one piece."

The End


End file.
